OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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