i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
its liver damage thursday
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
