Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
