is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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