So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
