When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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