I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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