I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
