how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
