Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
