I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
