Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
