I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
