I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
