ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
