I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
