Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
