i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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