I'm so fucking centered right now
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
