The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Walk of Shame today included voting.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
