I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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