he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i think i just lost a toe
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
