official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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