we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
