I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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