I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
