Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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