I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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