I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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