Pants 0. Shit 1.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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