dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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