I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
