I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
