I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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