I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize