so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
