Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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