when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
