my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
