How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
