and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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