You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
