When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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