remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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