Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
