Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
