I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize