I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
