Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
How external is "for external use only"?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
