DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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