I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Even my vagina gasped.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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