We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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