Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
