I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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