Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
