it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I will be naked everywhere
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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