He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
