Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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