my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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