ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
