Betty ford says i'm here all night
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
