the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I need moral support for this bender
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
