I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
