He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
