it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
