Jerry, you need to find god
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
