if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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