so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
